Mitzvah

Mitzvah questions and answers

Find more information on the Mitzvah @ The Adherents Religion Website.

Q: What should I wear to a Bat mitzvah party?
Ok, so, Im going to a friends bat mitzvah l8r this summer and she invited my whole class (I go to a girls school btw, I havent seen everybody in awhile so I wanna look good) and I think there are gonna be guys there. I am tall and skinny with long legs a long torso brown hair. I want to wear something really fitted at the waist. I searched Everywhere! If you have a suggestion please tell me! It is semi-formal and a dance!

A: here are cute dresses: http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=30284&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=10&iSubCat=15&iProductID=30284 http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=30152&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=10&iSubCat=15&iProductID=30152 http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=31852&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=10&iSubCat=15&iProductID=31852 http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?itemID=28813&itemType=PRODUCT&iMainCat=10&iSubCat=15&iProductID=28813

Q: What type of dress should I wear to a bat mitzvah, and wear should I get it from?
I'm going to my first bat mitzvah in a month, and I can't figure out what kind of dress to wear. The dress needs to be for the morning ceremony and the evening party. Please post links to pictures of dresses if you have some suggestions. Thanks. Note- I'm 12 1/2, so nothing innapropriate. Also I have a big chest, so preferably nothing strapless or with a really low cut neckline.

A: It depends on your shape as what type of dress to wear, as well as your budget. What I reccomend is that you get a strapless or spagetti-strap dress, and wear a plain cardigan over it to the synagogue (you can't show your shoulders in there). The dress should also come down to a little bit above your knee. Maybe wear flats to the service- you're going to be standing a bit during prayers, and then change into heels for the party. One designer that is perfect is BCBG (max azria, girls, any type of them)- almost all of their dresses are gorgeous and perect for the occasion. I also like Bestey Johnson, although these can be rather expensive ($100-$400) If you can't afford these, you can buy some nice dresses at loehmanns or filenes or TJ Maxx for about $30, and they also have nice dresses at Nordstroms BP or Delia*s. Some department stores to check out are Nordstroms, Lord&Taylor, and Bloomingdales. You could also try Jessica McClintock- the strapless above the knee dress for Gunne Sax *sp* is a bit fancy for the service, but perfect for the evening party. You can try asking your friend for advice- but generally the Reform synagogues are less strict than the Conservative about dress. If you say a bit more about your budget or body shape, I would be happy to find some links

Q: How much is appropriate to give for a money gift for a bar mitzvah?
Me & my family (2 adults, 2 kids) are invited to a bar mitzvah (kiddush luncheon + dinner reception at a fancy reception hall). What do we give?

A: If the place will be really fancy, consider giving $100 bill, regular place and not very high society, $50. its always best to give a single denomination bill.

Q: What are diferent ways of having a bar mitzvah?
My family wants to celebret my bar mitzvah at home with family and frends. Has anyone ever done that here or do you kno someone who has done it that way?

A: Doesn't matter. The two most important things are: 1. that you read from the Torah, and understand the meaning of your bar mitzvah and everything (etc.), and 2. that you have SOME type of celebration where you and everyone can be happy for you that you are a "master" of your own sins, and are now considered a man. Where and how doesn't matter, as long as it's Modest (or, more precisely, "Snius"), and that it's proper and shows that it's a bar mitzvah that's being celebrated (prefered).

Q: Is it tacky to include a cheque in a bat mitzvah reply card when not attending?
My husband and I can't attend the the bat mitzvah of a student of mine, as we'll be out of state. We want to give her a gift, but want to know if a cheque for $72 is appropriate (multiple Chai) with the reply card or should we send it in a separate card? Or should we send cash?

A: Well if you are going to physically give it to him, then you should give cash in a separate card not with the reply letter. But if you are going to send it to him in the mail you should send a check just to be safe but it should still be in a separate card.

Q: How do i make a bat mitzvah presentation for my friend?
My friend's bat mitzvah is in 3 weeks and i am going to make a presentation for her. A presentation is pretty much a creative project showing our friendship. I was thinking of a 'book' but i don't know how to do it, like a scrapbooking album or can i just use a binder? And what kinds of pages should i have?

A: She would probably like a scrapbook of pictures of your friendship. Maybe pages that show things you guys like to do together (mall, biking etc). I think anything would work. At a Bat Mitzvah she will get a lot of gifts. She probably will not open them there but take them home. People get things like clothes, jewelry, money and things like that. I am sure she would love to have something that was more personal. Have pages about what you did during the time you knew here. Maybe a picture of "Do you remember..." and then talk about fun times you have had or how she has helped you. I am sure it will be great. Use whatever you like, just make it personal and from you. I will star this for my female Jewish contacts. I had a Bar Mitzvah but I am Orthodox so my sisters did not have a Bat Mitzvah. That is a pretty new invention. They might be able to give you a better idea of what they would have liked and help you more. Have fun at the Bat Mitzvah.

Q: What should I do for my bat mitzvah project?
I need to start thinking about what I want to do for my Bat Mitzvah Project. I want to do something that has to do with making the Earth a better place. Not just recycling, but something that will make a good project! Help? (other ideas will be considered)

A: one girl at our shul set up a system in the shul for only using bio-degradable cups and plates at kiddish luncheons. i highly recommend doing something along those lines. the place to start tikkun olam is always closest to home.

Q: Why do some Jewish girls celebrate bat mitzvah at age 12 and others at 13?
I know in Israel most girls become bat mitzvah at 12 but here in the US most celebrate it at 13. Why?

A: Bat Mitzvah is a relatively new term (and lifecycle event) in Judaism. While the idea of a boy becoming a bar mitzvah at 13 is mentioned in the Talmud, the bat mitzvah ceremony dates from the twentieth century. Since the concept of becoming a bar or bat mitzvah stems from reaching the age of majority, people decided that - since girls mature faster than boys - 12, or more often 12 and a half, years old was determined to be when a girl reached the bridge between childhood and adulthood. But since it's not a halachic distinction (there is no Jewish law that applies to it), it doesn't really matter if it takes place at 12 or 13 - or later, as in some Sephardic communities (where bar mitzvah ceremonies also can happen at 14 or older). For the record, I don't think it's true that most Jewish girls in the US who celebrate a bat mitzvah do so at 13. I think there may be a range, but all the movements of Judaism that accept the concept of bat mitzvahs say that a girl is eligible to celebrate it at 12. So I think the reason that it may happen later is because most Americans are not particularly religiously observant, and don't actually know the custom. And since it doesn't matter whether anyone - male or female - has the party on time or later (because gaining the status of a bar or bat mitzvah is automatic, whether you celebrate it or not - the same way that a 21 year old in the US can legally drink whether he or she goes to a bar that night or not), there is no reason to correct the practice.

Q: How do you persuade a 12-year old to study for his bar mitzvah, when he's declared he doesn't want to?
My girlfriend's son is turning 12 this year, and has just announced that he doesn't want to do his bar mitzvah. She knows she can't force him to study for his bar mitzvah, and doesn't want to threaten him to do so. Do you have any suggestions, or resources you can recommend on how to handle a situation like this? How do you incentivize a child to do his bar mitzvah when he's decided he won't do it?

A: When a child reaches thirteen years of age, he is, according to Jewish tradition, responsible for his on decisions and accountable for his actions. Levi, the son of Jacob, was called "man" (ish) in the Torah at the age of thirteen. The tradition of bar-mitzvahs has lasted for centuries, and is an important part of tradition. This young-adult should be explained that if he goes through with this coming-of-age ceremony, he will be a part of a lasting group of individuals who have dedicated their lives to making the world a better place. He will be able to take his rightful place amongst the great men (and women) of the Torah, who have made an indelible mark on Jewish and world culture. If that's not enough to convince him, tell him he can have a big party.

Q: Should a gift be brought to a bar mitzvah?
My daughter has been invited to a bar mitzvah. We are not Jewish and are unfamiliar with protocol. Should she bring a gift? And if so, what would be appropriate?

A: I generally agree with dwags, but--at least in my community-- checks are still the gift of choice unless you are very clear on what the young boy would like as a present. And checks in a multiple of $18 are still very appropriate. Just put a check in the amount of, say $36 or $54 into a Bar Mitzvah or general congratulations card, and have your daughter give the envelope to the boy or his parents at the reception or party after the service. The parents generally deposit the checks into the boy's college fund.

Q: For a bat mitzvah candle lighting ceremnoy, what are good songs to play for the candle the parents get?
my friends bat mitzvah is coming up and she cant think of anything. any ideas?

A: How about "Inna Gadda Da Vida" by Iron Butterfly?

Q: What is a good opening line for a bar mitzvah speech.
I am having my bar mitzvah on August 16th and i have no idea how to start my speech saying thanks to everyone who has helped me and stuff at the party... please help! What the hell is everyone talking about, I just want to have a good opening not all this anti-semitic stuff! oh and that independence day speech, what was that about? please can I have some good honest answers from someone with an experience of having to say or write a speech

A: "There are three partners in any man: HaShem, his fahter, and his mother."

Q: What kind of card would you get someone celebrating a Bar or Bat Mitzvah?
What kind of card would you get someone celebrating a Bar or Bat Mitzvah? Is it acceptable to give them a congratulations card? I'm not sure which kind of card I should get someone celebrating a bar or bat mitzvah. i don't really want to give them a birthday card. If there are any pictures of appropriate cards that can be found to show me an example that would be helpful. Thanks.

A: Go to Hallmark. Their cards are a bit costly, but they have them for EVERY occasion. It would probably be in the same area as the other religious cards: baptism, first communion, confirmation... Otherwise, you can get a congratulations card, just make sure that you include a nice personal message, referencing the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Good luck! :]

Q: What kind of makeup is suitable for a bar mitzvah?
i am going to my friends bar mitzvah on saturday and i dont know what kind of makeup is acceptable. i usually have a dark smokey eye, but that seems to dark for a bar mitzvah...what is acceptable? pictures are appreciated every website says just like church...but i dont go to church!!!!! I havent worn a dress since 4th grade, and i always have on heavy thick black makeup...i dont know how to do light!

A: It's the same as going to church. Where make-up like you are going to church. Very light & little I would hope !!

Q: Is a black and white theme bat mitzvah too demanding?
I am having a bat mitzvah in april. I want a black and white party so that I can wear a bright color. My mom thinks it's too demanding to say "Black and/or White dress is appreachiated" on the invitation. I think it's not demanding because you can wear black, white, gray, silver, or anything close to black or white. With black, white, silver, and gold decorations I think it would be a classy theme that everybody would enjoy.

A: If you're telling people what to wear, then yeah it is. I'm not to familiar with the customs of a bar mitzvah other than being a rite of passage. Though, people are coming to celebrate YOU to begin with. Personally, I wouldn't ask for anything other than that. You should be thankful all those people care enough to show up for you.